ADVICES AFTER RISHTA
People think life changes after shaadi. But trust me here “Your life changes a lot even when you are Rrishta-fied”. Suddenly a thousand people will be keeping an eye on you and will provide you with free advises on how to do stuff now as your life is changed. So here we are with a few advises which may be useful for you if you are “Rishta-fied”.
Let me warn you first. This is a misogynist piece written just for entertainment purposes and I mean not offence to feminists.
1 – Profile Picture and Privacy Settings
As soon as you are rishta-fied you will be bombarded with friend requests. The senders will include your honay walay woh, your honay wali sister in law, brother in laws, Saas, Sasur, parosi in law, cousin in law, paaltu kutta in law and a hundred others.
So the first and the most rapid step to be taken is you have to change your profile picture immediately and put some flower or ducks or kittens there. Now turn your profile settings to private and keep all the albums to only me for a while. This will give you some time to asses and edit your profile in detail later.
2 – Cover Photo
Change your cover photo from your uni group to a couple holding hand walking on a beach and write the caption “Let’s go to Jannah Together”
3 – Cleaning your Social Media
Start cleaning your friend list. Delete all those males who are useless and are there just because you shared a class with them back in 2007. Ask the remaining male friends not to comment “Nice pic” on your pics.
If you are a twitter use you don’t need to clean it. Not many people are on twitter
4 – Daily update of Social Media
Keep in mind that judgement game is strong against you right now so you have to act smart. Sharing Islamic quotes daily will have a positive impact on your Saas and Sasur type senior citizens.
But that won’t be enough. Your nand or devar people will think you are backward or dehati so you have to share intelligent quotes, scientific discoveries and political news as well. This will make you look intelligent and politically aware as well.
5 – Act Sughar
There are quite a few methods of showing your sughar image to the world at large. Even if you are making maggi post its pictures on fb and insta as many of them will be stalking you.
6 – Good Ikhlaaq
Behaving nicely is also gonna help a lot. Whenever someone from susraal is coming then it will be your responsibility to serve them food whether its the eldest or the youngest or even the pet. Also ask “Aur lejiye na” again and again.
Dupatta needs to be constantly on your head and speak only when you are needed to. Don’t laugh like Sidhu and just smile when needed.
Don’t forget to text and ask “Safely reached?” to show you are caring.
7 – Act Responsible
Whenever you get a text from anyone of your in laws asking how are you. Reply this way “Bas subah se kaam kar kar ke thak gaye hun saray ghar ki zimmerdari mujh pe hai”
8 – Favorite Movie
Whenever you are asked about your favorite movie you have to reply “Hum Saath Saath Hain”
9 – Favorite Actor
When asked about the favorite actor you have to stay on sanskaari “Alok Nath”
10 – Honeymoon Plan
If fiance asks where do you want to go to honeymoon you have to reply “Murree chalte hain ziada kharcha nahi hoga”. This will show that you are also careful while spending money.
11 – Discussing your past
Last and the very important point if your fiance asks about any previous relationship then the conversation should go this way
He: Aapka pehlay kabhi koi boyfriend tha?
You: Woh kya chez hoti hai?
He won’t continue this discussion then and you will be like Gopi Bahu for him
I know this is misogynistic but this rishta piece is written just for fun and we mean no offence to any lady. We hope you all find someone you don’t have to fake anything in front of and can live with liberty.